Pain sucks.
It's a throbbing reminder that we did something wrong.
That something broke down.
That we made a mistake.
And it's easy to focus on the wrong things.
The unfairness of the world.
The bullshit of these circumstances.
Or how it's not really that bad.
But pain is a tool.
It's a feedback mechanism.
It's one that can help us get better.
Like a circular saw, it can cut a plank of wood or chop of your finger.
You have to know how to use it.
And you have to do the hard work.
RECOGNIZE AVOIDANCE
We are programmed to avoid pain.
It's in our basic operating system.
We want it to end as quickly as possible.
Often with disregard for the long term consequences.
We will chose to pick a scab instead of sitting with an itch.
We will chose to suffer another argument instead of ending a relationship.
We will chose to distract through complaining instead of quitting a job.
When we avoid the pain, we are chosing short term comfort.
And it's not our fault. That's how we were programmed.
But with higher level cognition comes the possibility of thinking long term.
To stop and recognize it.
Recognize that you have a choice.
To chose the short term pleasure. Or the long term benefit.
And be willing to make the choice and live with it.
I('m actually fighting it right now. As I write this post, I'm finding it hard. I'm constantly looking over at my phone, asking it pull me away from the uncomfortable task of writing. When words aren't flowing, the frustration is building and it just seems so fucking difficult ... Twitter seems like a good answer. But it's not. I know that sticking to a writing routine will give me the reps that I need. To practice writing. To be better.)
LEAN INTO THE PAIN. WITH INTENT, NOT EMOTION.
Sit with it.
Lean into it.
As Ben Horowitz says, run towards the darkness.
Run to where it is uncomfortable. Be different from the rest of humanity.
Let it be your superpower.
But you need to run with intent. Not emotion.
Emotions cloud your judgement.
Emotions protect your ego. Cast the blame on someone else.
Emotions supercharge the situation so it gets worse.
They're like the inflammation that happens when you sprain your ankle.
It's a natural process. It bring nutrients and attention to the situation.
It helps to immobilize you. It serves a purpose.
But to get better, you need to control the swelling.
You need to approach the pain with curiousity, not emotion.
Try to sit with it. Try to understand it.
See where it came from. What lessons you can learn from it.
Have intent. Understand why you're chosing to sit with it.
Understand the result you're looking for.
Don't shy away from painful conversations. Lean into them.
Don't hide from disagreements. Seek to understand them.
Don't avoid memories for failure. Learn from them.
With intent.
--
This post was incredibly hard to write. I was not in the right mindest for it. My mind has been distracted by half a dozen different things. All because I'm feeling uncomfortable this morning. All because my brain is trying to avoid sitting with the pain of the moment.
But I know that getting to the end. Writing it down. Sitting with it and getting it done. Pressing publish. That makes me feel good. And that makes the pain worth it.
- Christian