Lessons I’ve Learned From My (Almost) 2 Year Old Son

I’m not the first person to go through this. Not even close. 107 billion humans have been born here on Planet Earth. Being a new dad brings me into a elite fraternity with over fifty billion members. 

But when you’re a new dad - even with the amazing resources of the healthcare system, community and internet - sometimes you feel alone. Well, not alone. You’ve got someone to care for. And that little person is forcing you to play a new role. Skip out on some sleep. Teach them. And show them the world. 

A new baby wants to discover things. What is that smell? What does it feel like? What happens when I climb this? What does dirt taste like? Should I put it in my mouth to find out? (The answer is always yes).

They are filled with boundless curiosity as they seek to learn the way the world works. The way gravity works. The way an action garners a response. 

And that’s the appreciation my son has brought out in me - by teaching him about the world, it forced me to develop whole new perspectives. I walk by a brick wall that I pass everyday. He stops and wants to feel the textural difference between the brick and the mortar. I’m trying to get us to the elevator. He wants to spend time sprinting down the hallway and testing how high he can jump. I bring him on his push bike down the sidewalk. He wants to launch it off the curb and into the street. (My wife was super happy about that one). 

As we continue to grow as both father and son, he’s going to teach me infinitely more. In the meantime, here’s five lessons I’ve learned so far:

1. ALWAYS BE CURIOUS

The world is a wondrous place. A light turns on. What did that? Where did it come from? The TV didn’t just turn on by itself. Look behind the TV. Is that where the image is coming from? Where is that sound coming from? How does it work? My son is constantly looking behind things to see how they work. Pretty soon, I’m sure he’s going to be looking inside them and start poking around. 

Curiosity is the drive to discover and learn. When we step off the path of learning, a large part of it is because we’ve lost the joy. Our brains are set in our ways. We want to stick to the easiest thoughts and neural pathways. Our brains are trying to conserve energy … why waste is on learning new things? 

Because it’s the joy of learning that keeps us young. It keeps our brains elastic. It makes life fun. And at the core of that is curiosity. Curiosity is the heart of lifelong learning. And it’s something that we can practice everyday. 

 2. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT

Especially you can’t reach something. I want milk. “Milk please”. I want to be up. “Up please”. I want to go outside. “Outside, outside, outside!” I don’t want to wear shoes. “Shoes no!”

These are the words I hear every single day. It’s helpful. When my son makes a (semi) clear articulation of what he wants, life is easy on all of us. It’s easy to decide whether it’s negotiable. It’s easy to get it for him. It’s easy for him to (most of the time) get what he wants. 

As we grow older, we stop asking. Maybe we grow shy. Maybe we’re embarrassed. Or afraid of rejection. We rely heavily on external expectations and unspoken social contracts. And when we don’t explicitly ask,  we are often disappointed. All because we didn’t ask. 

So ask. Most often, the worst thing that can happen is that we hear “no." 

3. TEST BEFORE YOU STEP

Take a look before you leap. I’m not sure if my son is overly cautious for his age, or a quick learner. But when he’s on his own two feet, he's often tearing around. Until he nears a ledge. Or something that he has not seen before. And then, I can see the actual calculations happen in his mind. How far down is it? Is the thing I’m about to climb on stable? I’ll test it with one foot first. Let me poke it for a bit. Alright, seems good(ish). Let’s go! BOOM!

It’s a balance. A balance between the desire to keep moving forward and the desire for safety. Between the excitement of the new and the security of not injuring yourself. A measure of caution is never foolish. Just don’t let it ruin your day or stop you from achieving your goals. 

4. THE TOOLS TO GET WHERE WE WANT TO GO ARE ALL AROUND US

Need to to climb onto a chair? Reach reach reach. Hmmm … that doesn’t work. Oh look, I can move these books and then stand on them. Now guess who’s on the motherf*cking chair bitches! 

That’s my life. My son will climb on anything. And he moves stuff around to do it. What it illuminated to me is that everything is a tool. Just because I see a book as something to read, doesn’t mean that it can’t also be a step. Just because I see a box as packaging, doesn’t mean that it can’t be used in a game of peek-a-boo. 

The tools we need to achieve our goals are all around us. They might not look like tools. They might be labeled as something else. It just takes a little creativity to unlock their potential. 

5. START BY IMITATING. THEN MAKE IT YOUR OWN.

Learning a skill starts with getting a sense of the pattern you want to create. You see something you want to do - let’s say kicking a ball. And then you imitate. My son stepped on the ball. Then swung his leg at it. Then ran past it. Then kicked it. Followed by thunderous applause and encouragement from me.

Words. Movements. Actions. All get imitated. That’s how they're learned. But once you have mastery of a skill or a concept, make it your own. Interpret it as you will. Mold that new skill to whatever whims you want. Just because everyone runs a race one way, doesn’t mean that you have to. Experiment with your strategy, your preparation and your execution. That’s where the joy of real discovery lies. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

This one little man is changing my life every day. I just have to remember to keep on learning from him and appreciate every moment. 

- Christian

Storytelling In A Crisis

Maybe you fucked up. Maybe it was someone from your team. Maybe it was poor planning. Maybe it was an honest mistake. Or maybe it was completely out of your control. 

Either way, something went wrong. And now you’re in crisis mode. 

THE SHIT HATH HIT THE FAN!!! 

People are freaking out. There is a weird mix of figuring out what happened, how you got there and what to do. It’s not logical … everything is jumbled together. You’re putting this giant mess of a puzzle together piece by piece … but it’s as if a toddler has run off with half of the box and is smashing them into half-eaten yogurt. 

Graphically too specific? Yeah, it’s happened. 

Most of us have one goal when navigating a crisis - survive. Survive, survive, survive. Get out the other end with a job. And that survival mode triggers your adrenaline. While that may help you in outrun a saber-toothed tiger, all of those stress hormones pulsing through your veins won't help you in today’s crisis. They just make you sweaty. (Believe me, I know.) 

And some people, when in survival mode, just start swinging wild stories around in an effort to save their own asses and minimize damage to themselves. Don’t be that person. That person breeds misinformation that will lead to ill-informed reactive decisions. 

Our goal is to stave off those survivalist reactionary bullshit and uncover the true narrative. The true story of how we got here and where we are. Only then, can we lead a team into action and lock in on what we are going to do about it. 

TAKE A BREATH

The first step is to pause and collect yourself. Projecting a sense of level headed leadership instills confidence in your team. It’s much easier said than done. I know. 

But what’s the worst that could happen? You lose a client. You have to rebuild a reputation. You lose a job. If Elon Musk can figure out how to live on $1 a day, so can you. You will get through it and you will survive. The worst case scenario is rarely as bad as we make it out to be.

TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT. AND THAT YOU’RE ON IT.

A big wrench that gets thrown into a crisis is the time it takes to manage people’s expectations. Whether it’s internal, clients, the media or your customers … everyone wants to (1) make sure that you know that there is a problem, (2) tell you how they feel about it, and (3) demand to know how you’re going to fix it.

All of that sucks up precious time and energy. The freak out factor can quickly become the biggest challenge to solving a crisis. Well-meaning people often blow things out of proportion and make a non-problem into the end of the world. 

That’s why you have to get out ahead of it and tell people what is happening early. Even if you don’t have all of the information. Be the one to let them know. 

You need to be the one delivering the news to your key stakeholders - your boss, your executive team, the board, your customers. You don’t want someone else to break the news for you. By getting out ahead of it first, you control the story and dictate the timing for the next steps. You move from reacting to everyone’s expectations to setting them. Boom. 

BUILD THE STORY

Next, you figure out what the fuck happened and create the plan to move forward. You bring in the right people involved to paint a full picture of the situation. You dig into it. It’s not about assigning blame. You want to understand the full scope of the crisis so that you don’t solve one part and another problem pops up. 

Then you work with your team to build out the options for moving forward. It’s not about driving to a plan as quickly as possible … it’s about getting to the right plan. You have to keep an open mind. Listen to concerns. Collaborate and be flexible. 

The goal is to present a narrative that shows the correct context, the options before you, and the recommendation for moving forward. It demonstrates that you’re attacking the crisis from all angles and better insures that you don’t respond with an ill-advised knee-jerk reaction. 

The story should contain:

1. How We Got Here

2. Where We Are Now

3. The Options For Moving Forward

4. Your Recommendations For Next Steps

5. Key Decisions That Need To Be Made

TELL THE STORY

Now comes the tough part - selling that story in. Presenting in a way that shows that you’re on top of the crisis and instills confidence. To your executive committee. To your board. To your client. To your customers. 

It’s not an easy feat. Trolls love conflict. Emotions are running high. Blame is easy to assign. Politics come into play.  But you need to stick to the script. Lay out a clear narrative. Accept responsibility. Propose solutions. And be open to feedback. 

The key is to showcase the options on the table and provide your recommendation. It demonstrates that you’ve done your due diligence - you’ve thought about it from every angle. And that builds confidence. Presenting the options and the recommendation also allow for the people you are presenting to feel as thought they are part of the decision. And people like that. 

NEXT STEPS AND FIXING SHIT

After the story is taken care of and people are bought in, the hard part starts - actually fixing shit. Rebooting a team’s work culture. Recalling and replacing people’s phone batteries. Actually upgrading the scoreboard so that it doesn’t get stuck 20 feet off the ice. 

Throughout the process, you need to continue to lead the narrative. Listen to feedback. Be ready to adjust the plan if necessary. And communicate, communicate, communicate. Make sure everyone knows what’s happening. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

What adds to a crisis? Mixed messages. Confusion. Inflammatory remarks. To successfully navigating a disastrous incident, you need to ensure that there is a clear story for people to latch on to. One that provides the correct context. One that demonstrates knowledge of the situation and the next steps. One that leads people to an obvious resolution. 

The goal we have in navigating a crisis is to come out the other side stronger. And with the right story telling in the situation and reflection after it, we can do just that. 

- Christian

Agency Life: Earning A Client's Trust

Relationships are all about trust. In advertising, the agency-client relationship is no different. But here's a tough lesson that I learnt about trust - it's not given blindly. Just because you trust freely, doesn't mean that it is automatically reciprocated. 

Real trust is earned. It's built slowly over time. Through lots of small interactions. 

THE FOUNDATION

When a client works chooses to work with you, there is a base level of trust that your agency will deliver what was promised. They expect three things:

1. You understand their business challenge

2. You will deliver what you said you would deliver

3. You will communicate early and often if things fuck up

That's it. That's all. It's pretty straightforward. At a base level that's what you have to do. Listen. Stick to your word. And be open and honest if something goes wrong. 

Those are the table stakes. But I've found that sustained business relationships aren't built by contracts. They're created when a client opens up. Only then can you begin to really add value and produce more creative work.

And the key to that is building real trust. It's not a difficult process. But from my experience, it is really hard work. Over the past decade, I've found that there are seven basic steps that help guide the way.

SEVEN STEPS

1. Start With Their Challenge

The first stage of building trust with the client is understanding what they need. This is not the same as what they are looking for. Often clients come to the table looking for a specific solution. They want a TV campaign. An e-commerce website. A launch event.

The challenge is that the client's process to come to a specific solution is biased. It's biased by a client's knowledge (or lack thereof) of the options out there. It's biased by their experience with previous agencies. It's biased by what their kid told them. 

That's why I like starting with the business challenge. It let's me show them that I understand them. Drill down to what they want to achieve - brand awareness, selling online, generating buzz with influencers.  Then you can recap it for them, early and often. The opportunity to build trust is by demonstrating empathy for their position. 

2. Define To The Scope & Expectations

The majority of problems in relationships arise from a misalignment of expectations - one person expects the other person to do something ... the other person has no idea. It doesn't get done and everyone is pissed off. I've had this happen with legal approvals for creative. I've had this happen with taking out the recycling. It happens. And it sucks. 

Setting time to define the scope establishes the baseline expectations of not only what will be delivered, but also when and how. By collaborating to define both the deliverables and the implementation, you are setting up clear expectations that form the basis of your business relationship. 

This establishes the element of accountability. You now have a mutually agreed upon benchmark to see if both parties are meeting or falling short of the agreement.  

3. Set Out A Plan Of Attack

After you've clearly defined expectations with the scope, you need to build confidence that you will deliver. This is done by communicating a very clear plan of attack. It's basic project management that allows you to build trust with your client that you're running the project well.

Build in clear dates for check-ins for each phase of the project. Set expectations of what will be reviewed at each meeting.  Articulate and agree to what will happen if there need to be flexibility and adjustments in the timing. 

4. Do The Little Things Well

Doing the little things well builds trust in your ability to execute. Small things like the composition of your communication, attention to detail and delivering on time go a long way. At the same time, sloppiness in any of those areas can severely damage to a client's perception of your ability to deliver. 

The biggest lesson that I learnt here was this - do not just put your head down and do the work. If you do that, clients will think that you're doing nothing. You need to be proactive in your communication and create lots of small touch points that build the client's trust incrementally over time. 

5. Deliver What You Promised

This one is basic. Deliver what you promised. It may seem silly to reiterate such a straightforward premise, but you would be surprised the amount of times that I've seen agencies not live up to their end of the bargain. Missed launch dates, products that have 50% of the functionality or incomplete campaigns. 

If you're unsure of whether or not you can deliver something, do not commit to it in Step 2. Deliver 100% of what you promised. Every time.  

6. Communicate Early & Often If Things Fuck Up

Things go wrong. Building creative requires management of a lot of moving pieces, tight timing and different people. Like riding a motorcycle, it's not a question of if you're going to crash, but when. And a crisis is an amazing opportunity to build trust. 

The cardinal rule is that you should always be the one informing the client of the problem, not the other way around. The worst situations that I've experienced have always been when a client identifies the problem first - it made us look like we didn't know our shit and weren't paying attention. Nothing destroys trust quicker than that. 

My recommendation is to create an early warning system so that issues get escalated quickly. Even if it's just a quick email or text that says "We noticed that this is an issue. We are on it. More details to follow as we come up with solutions." Having them know that you are on it goes a long way.

Once you're in the crisis, make sure that you go to the client with a plan, multiple check-ins and a story that they are able to sell up the chain. Their key concern is how they are going to communicate the story internally - make sure to get ahead of it and provide them with the right narrative of how we got here and how it's getting fixed. Nothing builds trust better than handling a crisis well. It shows that you have their back in good times and bad. 

7. Celebrate The Project

One thing film production companies do well is the wrap party - they take time at the end of a project to celebrate the hard work, collaboration and end result of a tough creative process. It could be small, or large, but taking the time to celebrate the completion of a project is important for your client relationships. 

This time allows you to celebrate the hard work and continue to build a personal relationship with your clients to further trust. As Maya Angelou said, people will forget what you said or did, but they will remember how you made them feel. Make them feel that they are part of the team. 

RINSE & REPEAT

Throughout my career, I've broken trust with a handful of clients. It's taken over a decade of trial and error, coaching and improvement to understand where those breakdowns happen and how to avoid them. At first I was so entitled that I thought that everyone deserves trust immediately - because that's how I work. And I was wrong. Clients didn't have to automatically trust a 23 year old kid who barely knows their business. 

Trust isn't built on cold hard facts. It's fostered through how you make someone feel. And it isn't built through one project or one action. It's done over time. Over the small things and the big things. You have to pay attention and deliver on every interaction that you have with your client. And then rinse and repeat. 

- Christian

Rediscovering Happiness

There are times in your life that you don't even realize that you're unhappy. There are no big problems hounding you, so you think you're fine. And you are fine. Day to day. Week to week. Month to month. You're fine. You're okay. But you're not happy. 

Sure, you have happy moments. Joyful incidences. Times to celebrate. But from an overall perspective, you're not happy. You're just okay.

Not too good. Not too bad. Just okay. 

This happened to me. I got stuck in a rut. I had moved to a new city, started a new job and I was struggling. Despite all of this "newness", I had a good life. I had a nice apartment, a wonderful girlfriend and was in decent shape. From what I would admit to myself at the time, there was only one big challenge - work. And I thought that the way to get out of it was to push through the plateau. I was wrong.

I kept telling myself that I was okay. I would need to just focus on the tough stuff and push through it. But I'm not cool with just being okay. Who wants to settle for "okay"? 

My girlfriend could see it. My family could sense it. I knew it in the back of my head, but I couldn't seem to face it. I was stuck with a shitty situation working desperately to make it better. I focused on trying to fix the problems directly in front of me, but was continually stuck with minor improvements and whole lot of disappointment. 

It wasn't until I realized that I was ignoring the other facets in my life that I finally figured my shit out. 

Happiness is contagious

Happiness is contagious. It can start from one person, and affect everyone around them. People feed off of that energy and shift their mood. Similarly, happiness in one aspect of your life easily transfers to others.

A big win at work can lift your mood and cause you to double up on the round you're buying at happy hour with your friends.

A great workout can fuel passionate attraction with your lover. 

A good *ahem* morning with your significant other can certainly lead to a productive work day. (I'm talking about morning sex).

What I found through my journey is that the key to rediscovering happiness is not to focus your search on one pillar in your life. It is to build out as many opportunities as possible.

Five basic outlets

I've found that there are five outlets that everyone needs to have in order to create happiness throughout their life. They're basic. You might know them to be true and have just not considered their importance. If you're feeling "just okay" about your life, you need to jolt yourself out of a rut. And here is I recommend to start the self-examination:

1. A Social Outlet

Human beings are social animals. We need contact, conversation and community. We need social outlets in order to feel connected, feel heard and feel happy. Those can be friends, family, co-workers or a significant other.

It is not about the amount of social connections that you have, but about making sure that the relationships that you have are healthy. That you feel happy when you hang out with your friends, not anxious. That you are excited when speaking with your family, not frustrated. That you're comfortable, not nervous. 

Cultivate, select and grow your social connections so that they are ones that add happiness to your life, not anxiety. 

2. A Physical Outlet

Our bodies are designed to move, not to sit at our desks. And our bodies are incredible machines. When properly trained, we are capable of amazing feats of strength, agility, flexibility and endurance. But like a beautiful sports car, you can't just leave it in the garage and let it rust. You need to take it out on the open road and push it to its limits. You need to sweat. 

Because when you sweat, when you push yourself, your body rewards you. It rewards you with endorphins that make you feel amazing. It rewards you with aches and pains that remind you that you went and did something. It rewards you by adapting, so that you can better tackle the same athletic achievement next time around. 

Your physical outlet can be as simple as taking a dance class or tackling your first 5km. It can be as adventurous as hiking a mountain or learning muay thai. It can be social. It can be individual. But it will be rewarding. 

3. A Spiritual Outlet

I will admit that the first time that someone suggested a spiritual outlet, I was a bit skeptical. I thought that it would be leading down a path of religion, or some woo woo hippie nonsense. But the purpose of this outlet is to allow your mind space to create a mental break. For your brain to take a deep breath and reset. 

The world can be a crazy place. It's full of stress, demands and deadlines. And sometimes we compound the chaos by adding in our own expectations and stress. A spiritual outlet is designed to give you a break. 

Whether it be mediation, a long walk or even just some alone time with nature, you need to give yourself permission to disconnect from your worries, stresses and thoughts. You need peaceful recovery time. It allows you to reset so that when you dive back into the crazy world, you can bring some perspective. 

4. A Creative Outlet

A creative outlet is a means of expression. It is a way of you flexing your brain and pushing yourself. It doesn't need to be perfect or professional. You don't even need to share it with anyone else. It is for you. 

Paint. Dance. Write. Doodle. Take pictures. It doesn't really matter. But having a creative outlet (or two) forces you to take stock and observe the world you are in and how your are feeling before you look to express it. 

5. Sleep

The last one is sleep. Get enough of it. And make sure that it is good quality. It is a basic human need that we often gloss over in favor of one more episode on Netflix or an extra half an hour wasted on the internet. Your body needs it to function at its peak level.

Getting the proper amount of high quality sleep improves your mental function (better memory, attention spans, creativity and decision making abilities), allows your body to physically repair itself (lower inflammation, lower stress, burns fat for better body weight control) and increases happiness. 

So instead of trying to groggily hit snooze a couple more times, treat yourself and go to bed an hour earlier. You'll feel happier in the morning. Guaranteed. 

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It is easy to put your head down to push through the challenges of the day / the week / the month. But the danger of doing so is that you never take the time to step back and evaluate the situation.

It is easy to get caught up in being busy and push that self-reflection to the side. You think that by being a workaholic and being addicted to busyness provides a valid excuse to avoid it. That's bullshit. 

For me, it took time for me to even realize that I wasn't completely happy. Yes, there were amazing moments and parts of my life that made me happy. But overall, I realized that I could achieve so much more. 

In rediscovering happiness, I found that you shouldn't rely on your happiness to come from only one thing. That's too much pressure on that part of your life. You can't rely solely on work accomplishments. Or a great partner. Or travelling. Happiness should come from all aspects of your life. 

It's not about perfection. It's about realizing where you are focusing most of your effort and where the opportunity is to diversify the happiness in your life. 

- Christian