There are times in your life that you don't even realize that you're unhappy. There are no big problems hounding you, so you think you're fine. And you are fine. Day to day. Week to week. Month to month. You're fine. You're okay. But you're not happy.
Sure, you have happy moments. Joyful incidences. Times to celebrate. But from an overall perspective, you're not happy. You're just okay.
Not too good. Not too bad. Just okay.
This happened to me. I got stuck in a rut. I had moved to a new city, started a new job and I was struggling. Despite all of this "newness", I had a good life. I had a nice apartment, a wonderful girlfriend and was in decent shape. From what I would admit to myself at the time, there was only one big challenge - work. And I thought that the way to get out of it was to push through the plateau. I was wrong.
I kept telling myself that I was okay. I would need to just focus on the tough stuff and push through it. But I'm not cool with just being okay. Who wants to settle for "okay"?
My girlfriend could see it. My family could sense it. I knew it in the back of my head, but I couldn't seem to face it. I was stuck with a shitty situation working desperately to make it better. I focused on trying to fix the problems directly in front of me, but was continually stuck with minor improvements and whole lot of disappointment.
It wasn't until I realized that I was ignoring the other facets in my life that I finally figured my shit out.
Happiness is contagious
Happiness is contagious. It can start from one person, and affect everyone around them. People feed off of that energy and shift their mood. Similarly, happiness in one aspect of your life easily transfers to others.
A big win at work can lift your mood and cause you to double up on the round you're buying at happy hour with your friends.
A great workout can fuel passionate attraction with your lover.
A good *ahem* morning with your significant other can certainly lead to a productive work day. (I'm talking about morning sex).
What I found through my journey is that the key to rediscovering happiness is not to focus your search on one pillar in your life. It is to build out as many opportunities as possible.
Five basic outlets
I've found that there are five outlets that everyone needs to have in order to create happiness throughout their life. They're basic. You might know them to be true and have just not considered their importance. If you're feeling "just okay" about your life, you need to jolt yourself out of a rut. And here is I recommend to start the self-examination:
1. A Social Outlet
Human beings are social animals. We need contact, conversation and community. We need social outlets in order to feel connected, feel heard and feel happy. Those can be friends, family, co-workers or a significant other.
It is not about the amount of social connections that you have, but about making sure that the relationships that you have are healthy. That you feel happy when you hang out with your friends, not anxious. That you are excited when speaking with your family, not frustrated. That you're comfortable, not nervous.
Cultivate, select and grow your social connections so that they are ones that add happiness to your life, not anxiety.
2. A Physical Outlet
Our bodies are designed to move, not to sit at our desks. And our bodies are incredible machines. When properly trained, we are capable of amazing feats of strength, agility, flexibility and endurance. But like a beautiful sports car, you can't just leave it in the garage and let it rust. You need to take it out on the open road and push it to its limits. You need to sweat.
Because when you sweat, when you push yourself, your body rewards you. It rewards you with endorphins that make you feel amazing. It rewards you with aches and pains that remind you that you went and did something. It rewards you by adapting, so that you can better tackle the same athletic achievement next time around.
Your physical outlet can be as simple as taking a dance class or tackling your first 5km. It can be as adventurous as hiking a mountain or learning muay thai. It can be social. It can be individual. But it will be rewarding.
3. A Spiritual Outlet
I will admit that the first time that someone suggested a spiritual outlet, I was a bit skeptical. I thought that it would be leading down a path of religion, or some woo woo hippie nonsense. But the purpose of this outlet is to allow your mind space to create a mental break. For your brain to take a deep breath and reset.
The world can be a crazy place. It's full of stress, demands and deadlines. And sometimes we compound the chaos by adding in our own expectations and stress. A spiritual outlet is designed to give you a break.
Whether it be mediation, a long walk or even just some alone time with nature, you need to give yourself permission to disconnect from your worries, stresses and thoughts. You need peaceful recovery time. It allows you to reset so that when you dive back into the crazy world, you can bring some perspective.
4. A Creative Outlet
A creative outlet is a means of expression. It is a way of you flexing your brain and pushing yourself. It doesn't need to be perfect or professional. You don't even need to share it with anyone else. It is for you.
Paint. Dance. Write. Doodle. Take pictures. It doesn't really matter. But having a creative outlet (or two) forces you to take stock and observe the world you are in and how your are feeling before you look to express it.
5. Sleep
The last one is sleep. Get enough of it. And make sure that it is good quality. It is a basic human need that we often gloss over in favor of one more episode on Netflix or an extra half an hour wasted on the internet. Your body needs it to function at its peak level.
Getting the proper amount of high quality sleep improves your mental function (better memory, attention spans, creativity and decision making abilities), allows your body to physically repair itself (lower inflammation, lower stress, burns fat for better body weight control) and increases happiness.
So instead of trying to groggily hit snooze a couple more times, treat yourself and go to bed an hour earlier. You'll feel happier in the morning. Guaranteed.
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It is easy to put your head down to push through the challenges of the day / the week / the month. But the danger of doing so is that you never take the time to step back and evaluate the situation.
It is easy to get caught up in being busy and push that self-reflection to the side. You think that by being a workaholic and being addicted to busyness provides a valid excuse to avoid it. That's bullshit.
For me, it took time for me to even realize that I wasn't completely happy. Yes, there were amazing moments and parts of my life that made me happy. But overall, I realized that I could achieve so much more.
In rediscovering happiness, I found that you shouldn't rely on your happiness to come from only one thing. That's too much pressure on that part of your life. You can't rely solely on work accomplishments. Or a great partner. Or travelling. Happiness should come from all aspects of your life.
It's not about perfection. It's about realizing where you are focusing most of your effort and where the opportunity is to diversify the happiness in your life.
- Christian