You did it.
You rocked the tryout. You aced your univeristy application. You killed the interview.
It's done. Now you can go out, grab some drinks with friends and eat a full Dominoes pizza without feeling guilty. (Just me?)
And now comes the frustrating part - the wait.
The time where you sit around and wait for the results. It could be a couple of days. Weeks. Even months. That's enough time to contemplate if you really did put forth your best effort. Second guess yourself and the moves you made when it mattered. And then wallow in a puddle of anxiety and disappointment. Fuck.
Waiting sucks. There's no two ways about it. When we put something out into the world, we want feedback immediately. Did it work or not? Am I good enough, or do I need to improve something?
The mentally challenging aspect of the waiting game anchored in the fact that you have no control. Your time to influence the outcome has passed. You answered the questions. You submitted the test. You ran the 40. And now you're stuck in an ocean of uncertainty with no control when the waves are going to hit you.
Keep busy. Think positive. Don't think about it. It's out of your control. Those are the tropes that people will tell you.
Sure. Because it's easy to do all of those things. It's a classic White Bear Problem. When people tell you NOT to think about something, you're going to think about it. And then you're going to double down and "try harder" to distract yourself. You will end up spending a lot of energy on avoiding specific thoughts. That's not how you win.
In wrestling with this, I found it helpful to flip the script. Instead of avoiding the uncertainty, sit with it. Dig into to it to really understand how you feel, what is causing you to worry. Once you face those thoughts, you can strategize on how to accept and deal with them.
You want to win the waitng game? Here's what to do:
1/ EXCITED, NOT ENTITLED
It's easy to get lost in anxiety and forget the fact that you're chasing an opportunity. That's fucking exciting! You're making moves to bring amazing new challenges into your life. And the healthiest mindset to get through this is one of excitement, not entitlement. Excitement, not entitlement.
You're not entitled to shit.
The General Manager is trying to build a championship roster. They don't owe you shit.
The admissions officer is trying to cast the best student body. They don't owe you shit.
The boss is trying to hire the best person. They don't owe you shit.
Don't be a brat.
Be excited.
Be excited that you get the opportunity to try out for THE team. (Fred VanVleet undrafted tryout footage)
Be excited that out of everyone that applied, you made the first cut.
Be excited that out of 1000+ applicants, they wanted to talk to you.
Frame your mindset as excited, not entitled.
2/ PREPARE TO FAIL
The core challenge of the waiting game is uncertainty. The unknown leads to anxiety. And the anxiety breeds suffering. The good news? You can dramatically reduce the uncertainty. It's by going through an exercise that feels uncomfortable at first, but will lift a giant weight off of your shoulders. It's an exercise stolen from Tim Ferris called "fear setting".
The premise is that you don't need to plan for success. If you're successful, the steps forward are easy, enjoyable and obvious. Instead, plan for failure.
You need to sit with it. Take the time to visualize failure. What does it look like? How do you feel? Who do you call? What do you do next?
Let's say that you don't get the job. What is the worst that could happen?
You get cut from the team. What do you do next?
You don't get in to your dream school. What's your backup plan?
By drawing out in excrutiating detail what failure looks like, it takes it from an nebulous cloud of uncertainty to a solid scenario. You can't fight a cloud. You can plan for the pain of a real world event. And often, you find that the "worst case scenario" isn't that bad at all. It's short of disasterous. You can recover from it. And you can plan your next moves. That's how you win.
3/ SHOW GRATITUDE
After each tryout / audition / interview, I try to take the time to appreciate the journey. To show gratitude for the process. To take stock of what I learned from the experience. And the science on gratitude is pointing to it making us happier and reducing stress.
The goal is to never walk out of the process as the same person who walked in. There is always an opportunity to find value. Whether it's the practice reps you got in. Whether it's the connections you made. Whether it's identifying the mistakes that you won't repeat. Appreciate the value you gained from the experience. So that even if you don't get the result you're looking for, you're still walking away with something new.
--
The decision making process a black box. Even if you have a clear scorecard of evaluation and understanding of the process. There will never be full transparency in the process. Because the humans making the decisons are not perfect. They're succeptible to their own bias. They're influenced by context. They can be moved by group dynamics.
You can never predict. You can only respond.
Knowing this, that doesn't mean that there is nothing that you can do. That you have to be 100% reactive. You can take charge of your time in the waiting game through (1) your mindset, (2) visualizing failure and (3) appreciating the opportunity.
Even if you don't get the result you're looking for, you will come out the other side with the win.
- Christian